Today was filled with more anxiety and worry: a pain in my chest, tears in my eyes, tightness in my torso. My dad, who a lot of the times has not been able to be a dad, actually was tonight, so that’s something. He told me not to worry too much, and to remember there is an answer somewhere out there, even if we can’t see it right now. He is right, of course, but I am so worried.

Selfishly, I am worried about us: what if school doesn’t start in the fall and we have no jobs? What if we lose our home? I know it would not be the end of the world, but it would be devastating. I also know that if I am thinking/worrying about that, that many others are, too. There was a letter from Austin ISD Superintendent Paul Cruz that said they would pay teachers through the end of their contracts: this did not leave me with confidence, but rather, panic.

What has happened? And how has it happened so fast? How have so many people lost their jobs in two weeks? Why is there no leadership from anywhere? There are bucks being passed all over the place, and the CDC says to wear masks everywhere you go, and at least there are Drs. Birx and Fauci, but…..what?

It seems like everything we thought was normal because it had been our lives for so long was literally balancing on a knife’s edge. Globalization with China – that threw off the supply chain which threw off companies’ abilities to sell to customers, therefore they couldn’t keep their employees when a) they weren’t selling anything and b) the stores couldn’t even be open as usual. The restaurants had to close so they had to fire all of their employees. Even giant national companies like Macy’s felt it made more sense to fire EVERYONE rather than just wait. What does this mean? I think it means that there is no money, just debt. I think it means that no companies keep cash in reserve, and no executives really care about their employees. I think it means the government is clueless and is being run by a circus of charlatans who cannot admit that they are clueless.

My head hurts. It rained all day. I took the dog out for a short walk and that helped. I hope tomorrow is better.

Date: 04 April 2020

Cases: 1,202,236

United States: 311,544

Deaths: 64,753

Mortality Rate: 5.386%