Why is it so hard?

Today, I found myself holding my head in my hands whilst standing at the counter full of gold jewelry. I was thinking about being a public school teacher for 20 years and how the president-to-be wants to eliminate the Department of Education. I was thinking about life and careers and goals and how maybe, it’s just not all that important.

I listened to sad music for awhile, made jewelry for awhile, and then proceeded to watch my dog barf and poop in various spots throughout the gallery (really hope I found all of them!) for the rest of the day. He even pooped in front of two customers. Yikes.

Then it got dark, and the moon ascended and when I got outside it was bright white-yellow and the clouds were just covering its glow and they were blue and grey and it was magical. It was so damn dark for 5:05, let me tell you.

Then I came home and cried for a while and talked with my husband and then talked with my cousin and they both told me to look around and stop being such a sad sack. OK they were nicer than that, but they did tell me to look around at all the good stuff.

Why do we spend so much time on the bad? Is it because so much of the bad is flying at our faces at any given moment? Why isn’t the good flying at our faces?

My friend Kevin is telling me to think about things that are in my control versus things that aren’t. This concept is my new personal project. Control is an illusion but it is so deceptive, so slippery – I want to try to hold onto the smoke of it so much!

This post is a bit of a ramble. Kevin also asked me what will I do if the worst case scenario happens? I don’t have an answer to that at all. What will I do?